This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You're like the curious george of whores
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
