Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
