youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
