im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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