whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
