i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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