i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
