i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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