you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
