I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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