shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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