If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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