I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
