Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
