I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
