ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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