Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
