Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
