So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
