I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
