We're facebook friends in real life
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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