i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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