so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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