I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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