Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
