i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
