I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
