I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
