the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
two words...techno handjob
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
