let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
