Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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