You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
