like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
