Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Come share oat with me in your robe
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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