I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
