That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Even my vagina gasped.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's no shave November. This is our time.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
