Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
