im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
