is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
