Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
