i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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