how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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