Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
