you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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