I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
