She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
