I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
