what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
