If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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