Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
