Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
