On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
